Thursday, September 1, 2011

Did Piazza Sell to Piven?

SELLER: Mike Piazza

BUYER: (allegedly) Jeremy Piven

LOCATION: New York City, NY

PRICE: $4,582,125

SIZE: 3,012 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The New York Post reports today that Entourage actor Jeremy Piven recently acquired an approximately 6,000 square foot duplex penthouse in the same swank New York City building where comedian and lefty-liberal agitator Jon Stewart owns a lofty spread. The Post goes on to report that Mister Piven's "Muscular & voluminous" new pad in the downtown neighborhood known as TriBeCa has three bathrooms, 1,800 square feet of outdoor space and "once belonged to former Mets slugger Mike Piazza."

Now children, with all due respect for our gossip compadres at The Post, some of the details they put forth quite simply do not add up. Buckle your mental safety belts, butter beans, we're going to try to use our pea brain to make some sense of the celebrity real estate matter and it gets a little confusing if you're not paying attention.

Back in November 2005 Mister Stewart sold his Greenwich Village apartment for $3,995,000 to sassy and way too tan Project Runway judge and fashion world queen Michael Kors and his new hubby Lance LePere. The Stewart family traded up into a sprawling two floor penthouse in TriBeCa that property records show measures 5,802 square feet, a number very close to 6,000 square feet. Old listing information for Mister Stewart's rather colossal crib states the 3 bathroom duplex has over 600 square feet of private terrace plus an additional 1,200 square feet of private roof space. That totals, as per our bejeweled abacus, 1,800 square feet of outdoor space, the exact amount mentioned in the Post's report this morning. As far as we can tell from our spin through property records, Mister Stewart's penthouse in TriBeCa was never owned by Mike Piazza. In fact, property records and other online reports show Mister Stewart purchased his jumbo penthouse from a quirky turtle collector named Richard Ogust. That's right, a turtle collector right in the heart of downtown New York City.

Anyhoo, the year before, in November (2004), the former catcher for the Mets paid $4,215,874 for the building's other, smaller duplex penthouse. Listing information and previous reports show Mister Piazza's penthouse measures 3,012 square feet and includes 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, and 968 square feet of outdoor space. The outdoor living areas of Mister Piazza's pad are divvied up between a glass-walled courtyard off the upper level master bedroom and two separate roof terraces connected by a spiral staircase and outfitted with a built-in all Viking brand outdoor kitchen and weatherproof speaker system.

In short, the peeps at the Post reported that Mister Piven purchased Mister Piazza's penthouse but the apartment details they offer clearly reference the (old and no longer active) listing for Mister Stewart's penthouse next door.

So, whose apartment did Mister Piven purchase? Mister Piazza's or Mister Stewart's? Well, puppeenuh weenas, we have heard zilch about Mister Stewart wanting to sell his penthouse and a few minutes research did not turn up an active listing for his downtown duplex digs.

What we did figure out is that Mister Piazza finally, recently, and at long last unloaded his TriBeCa penthouse that has been on and off the market since at least early August 2008 when he pushed the sleek and sexy bullpen on the market with an asking price of $6,800,000. The price tag quickly dropped to $6,500,000 and after six months on the (open) market the long and lean penthouse was de-listed in early 2009.

Property records and Property Shark show Mister Piazza sold his New York City white elephant in mid-June 2011. The buyer paid a ridiculously complicated $4,582,125. The new owner's identity is shielded behind a newly-minted limited liability company set up, it appears, for the express purchase of the airy apartment. Therefore and in all honesty we are unable at this point to directly connect Mister Piven to Mister Piazza's penthouse.

With all that nonsense in mind, just about all Your Mama can say with certainty is that prop records show Mister Piazza sold his penthouse for $4,582,125 in mid-June 2011. What we do not know for sure is if Mister Piven is the man behind the domestic limited liability company that bought the apartment. Despite the perplexing report in the Post, iffin Your Mama were the wagering type–and we're not–we'd double down on red that Mister Piven did buy Mister Piazza's penthouse. However we haven't the specific intel to make that claim. So, for now folks, Mister Piven's purchase is merely rumor and gossip as far as Your Mama is concerned. Perhaps he'll give us a ringy-dingy on our bedazzled and bedraggled princess phone to let's us know the complete what's what on the matter.

It's unlikely that Mister Piven really will give Your Mama a ringy-dingy–we're not stoopid after all–but we have no doubt whatsoever that we will soon receive an angry phone call and inevitable verbal lashing from our boozy ball-luvin' b.f.f. Fiona Trambeau whose loins burn like a brick oven for Mister Piazza. We know that as soon as ol' Fiona finds out Mister Piven may have purchased Mister Piazza's penthouse she's going to go 49 kinds of berserk. She will probably run into traffic, pee on some one's porch, and eat chicken feet slathered in kimchi. She will most certainly speak in tongues at an ear piercing volume. We fully expect that she will scream bloody murder through the telephone about the absolute vulgarity than an (allegedly) Mercury poisoned man-ho like Jeremy Piven might pollute sacred real estate space once occupied by the physical perfection that is Mike Piazza. Now, hunnies, listen. We are here to tell you that our Miss Trambeau is in no position to cast aspersions at Mister Piven. Beotch has a goddam revolving door on her studio apartment in San Francisco and we shudder to think of the number of goopy STDs Fiona's had over her long, long, loooong years of activity. But cast aspersion she most assuredly will, at length and with a vitriol that borders on mental illness.

Mister Piven has long called Malibu, CA home where back in July 2004 he coughed up $3,500,000 for an ocean front residence near Pepperdine University that the Los Angeles County Tax Man shows measures 2,424 and includes 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms.

Mister Piazza and his former Playboy Playmate wife Alicia Rictor made a baby in 2007 and maintain an 8 bedroom and 9 bathroom mansion in Miami Beach, FL he/they bought in early 2008 for $10,000,000.

Uh-oh...Somebody run quick and get Your Mama a nerve pill and bring us a god damn gin & tonic–extra lime, please–because the phone is ringing and it's Fiona...

listing photos and floorplan: Brown Harris Stevens

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